Rain

    I've been thinking about It a little recently- about, what would I actually write here. And I realised there's so much I'd like to write about at the moment. Everything is happening so quickly, sometimes, I get the feeling that I'm falling thirty seconds behind the time. But it wasn't always like this.
   ''I'm taking a walk in a pouring rain, without my umbrella. What's the point of bringing my umbrella if it's going to break straight after I open it? I can see raindrops on my hair, hear the splashing of water underneath my feet...'' which reminds me of careless childhood days in Poland. We would pretend to be ''Tomb Raiders'', ''Totally Spies'' and ''Powerpuff girls'', even if it rained. To be honest, we didn't like playing when the weather was nice. A nice weather meant that the possibilities of getting dirt all over your clothes and yourself were small, and the more dirty your clothes were, the better. ''Cause Lara Croft isn't scared to have dirt on her shirt''.
''I pass by a row of lime trees. Their sweet smell mixed with rain. That is the only place in Ireland that smells, and almost feels like Poland. And of course, I'm only after realising that just now.'' When I was eleven years of age, and I moved to Ireland, I missed (the so called) 'home' for a very long time. I was just a kid when I had to start 'all over again' in a completely new country, with a completely new people and a language in which I could only say 'yes, no and coca-cola' when I first came here. It wasn't easy to accept new things all at once, I guess, that one of the hardest things to accept about Ireland was the fact that Irish people tend to drive upstream... But I got used to it, in the end, just as I got used to the rain. And I must admit, I started to like it, even in huge amounts Ireland offers us.
As the time passed, I started to get to know new people, I learned 'communicative' English very quickly, well, thanks to my nerdy nature. As I talked to more and more Irish people, and improved my English time by picking up few new words a day, I learned the great differences between Irish and Polish people. In the end, at the age of 13, I ended up surrounded only by Irish people.
'' I look around. Looking at my Ireland around me. Trying to memorise it as much as possible. I'm going to need these memories, these details. I see a man in a window. I smile at him, as spontaneously as I used to do when I was a child. And... he smiles back and waves at me.'' One main difference between 'Polish and Irish' is that a recipe for 'Typical Irish Character' would be :''Take a good bit of charm, joke, sympathetic frame of mind and talkativeness. Add some melancholy, day dreaming, and tendency to spontaneity. Gently steer.'', while a recipe for a 'Typical Polish Character'' (from what I have experienced in my life so far) would be: ''Take a good bit of pride, 'patriotism' and unexplained love for arguments. Add some jealousy, a tiny bit acceptance and steer'', but this 'recipe for a Polish character' isn't always correct, there are few exceptions. But when it comes to Polish people living in Ireland.. ah, they all seem to believe nothing can beat Poland nor anything that's Polish; they all seem to believe they're unbeatable. That they're a nation too good to even talk with somebody from outside of Poland. Sometimes I wonder, why such people left Poland if she is so goddamn good to them?

    ''Walking by the riverside. It started to rain again. Puddles everywhere. I jump into them feeling like a nine year old child again. Im soaked anyway. Some more water in my shoes won't make much difference.'' And I felt as if I was back in Poland again. I didnt miss it after I met her, cause everything seemed so goddamn good that I didnt want anything more.
In may 2010 Poland took her away from me. In September 2010 fifth year started and everything was going great again. All of the people that I now call my friends are the people I've been looking for, since I came here for the first time,and now, I can easily say that these people made me believe that Ireland is my home, that I fully and truly accept it, and that in fact, I absolutely love it. Since I finished any 'friendships' with any of the 'people of the past' I could think, say and be who SHE made me. Who I have always been. Inside.
   ''I stop for a while and look at the circles in the water. They never meet. No matter how big they are, or how many of them there is, they will never ever meet.'' My clothes were soaked at this stage. But I didn't care. I just kept walking through the puddles, with my head down and hood on. I realised that even though I am very happy here, in my own rainy heaven, I need changes again. I guess that's my nature, I can't be happy for a long time unless some radical changes take place in my life. And here I am, imagining my life in Poland. What would it be like if I moved back. Would I feel like a foreigner in my own country? Would I be able to be so extremely happy there, as I am here? Would I be able to accept Polish mentality on a bigger scale? I guess I wouldn't, just as I didn't accept Ireland at first, only because it dragged me away from my home. But I've been living in Ireland for 6 years now, and Ireland had enough time to inject all her good things into my brain, so I guess, going back to Poland wouldn't be as bad... And even if it wouldn't work out, I could always come back, right?
''I turn my head to the sky and let the rain tickle my face. I eventually take my hood off'''.

For you, a thousand times over

I wake up thinking what's causing all of this. I fall asleep thinking why things aren't right anymore. And of course, all I can think about are only the worst things. I guess, whoever was born pessimist will die a pessimist.
And he's so goddamn true, so so... real that he doesn't want to lie to me, or tell me the truth only because he's incapable of hurting anyone. Oh! But why now? Why just 2 months before 'the day'. Why?

We were the happiest people on Earth,
We lied in bed together. Saying nothing. Nothing at all, just staring into each other's eyes. And when I slept, I could feel your gentle touch on my arms.
We watched the stars together. We walked in the streets by night. We kissed in most crowded places. We talked, without using words. You were mine and I was yours.
And of course, none of the above ever happened. And, never will.

Can you miss a person whom, in fact, you never ever met in your life? Can you miss a person who never was there with you?

Can you wait for 2 years for a person of your dreams? Can you even function like a normal person constantly waiting? Waiting and not being sure if it will ever happen at all.
But I would do anything for him. Anything to be with him. Anything just... to see how it is like having him beside me.
''For him, a thousand times over''