Im not one of these who can easily hide. Never wanted to be one of them anyway. I wanted to stand out. But never really had the strength to do this. Until I met her. My life changed completely. Thanks to her. She showed me I could be myself whenever I wanted to. And since then I don't care if I'm surrounded by people who just wait for me to make a wrong move. To fall. I really don't care. I fall, I stand on my feet again and all I care about is just to stick my lovely middle finger at them and walk on.
I really dont care what they say about me. But that's good, right?
It took me some time to get used to this kind of behaviour. Sometimes I was so not bothered with anything that even if a plane crashed right in front of me I wouldn't even flinch. But then it all became normal. For me anyway. I'm happy the way I am. The way I get used to new situations, new people easily. How I can get over things easily. I love the feeling of being able to take anything.
Sometimes, blocking myself from feeling anything more than I should is a good thing. At least things are not going to be that easy for a while. I hate it when life is too easy. When it's easy it's boring. That's why I like to complicate some things a bit. Just to make it more entertaining.
Eg. falling in love. Some horrible shit I was pro at! And then, I realised I was so devastated by my way-too-big feelings to some people that I had nothing else that could be destroyed. And so, I remain still. One without anything that can be broken, without anything that can break something else. Very simply I have isolated myself from any extraordinary feelings.
But every now and again I miss that old, sweet, naive idiot I was. The soft hearted one. Ehh... Just think about it. I needed that change. Otherwise I'd still be locked inside the silver cage of lie.
Now, I'm out of there. And happy to be who I am.
Even if cappuccino, cigarettes and Valentino perfume were the only things to describe me I'd be the happiest person alive.
I really dont care what they say about me. But that's good, right?
It took me some time to get used to this kind of behaviour. Sometimes I was so not bothered with anything that even if a plane crashed right in front of me I wouldn't even flinch. But then it all became normal. For me anyway. I'm happy the way I am. The way I get used to new situations, new people easily. How I can get over things easily. I love the feeling of being able to take anything. Sometimes, blocking myself from feeling anything more than I should is a good thing. At least things are not going to be that easy for a while. I hate it when life is too easy. When it's easy it's boring. That's why I like to complicate some things a bit. Just to make it more entertaining.
Eg. falling in love. Some horrible shit I was pro at! And then, I realised I was so devastated by my way-too-big feelings to some people that I had nothing else that could be destroyed. And so, I remain still. One without anything that can be broken, without anything that can break something else. Very simply I have isolated myself from any extraordinary feelings.
But every now and again I miss that old, sweet, naive idiot I was. The soft hearted one. Ehh... Just think about it. I needed that change. Otherwise I'd still be locked inside the silver cage of lie.
Now, I'm out of there. And happy to be who I am.
Even if cappuccino, cigarettes and Valentino perfume were the only things to describe me I'd be the happiest person alive.
No comments:
Post a Comment